Alright. the title is simple. i need to work out. I feel horrible, like a fat ass and gahhh it bugs me the fuck out. it actually has been for a couple years, but there was nothing wrong with my wight before. Then it got a little worse and I was unhappy, but, then i didn't care, but now. It's getting to be a problem and I can't stand it but it just wont go away. Im scared it never will. SO. I feel like writing a blog but I was gonna go exercise, hopefully I still will after this.
OK, What am I really jealous of and why. ok, i've figured it out. It's another one of the things that I have feeling that it's harder to put out on paper. I'm a people person. I LOVE soccer and basketball, im so competitive. and I love singing and acting! Also, shows and stuff I like as well but more than anything I love being with people. I can look back and say i've never been happy with what i've had. thats a problem because even though i was happy about what I had, I was happy. I had lots of friends, but I thought it was natural, to have a few people that you just totally fit with and have a blast with. Well unfortunately it isn't like that anymore. I actually am quite fond of myself. I just want others to see it. So back to my question, why do I get jealous, and of who?
Most people. To the feeling that you are loved, liked, adored would/is awesome. To be able to get to know anyone who intrigues you is really cool. OK. this is just an example, but some girls, all (most) guys just adore. There personality helps, but looks come first. A guy would say something like "fuck she was hot. I mean really hot. Like wow!!!" hahas (ya. I know.) anyways. haha. That's power. People say some celebs, or just people in general will do anything for attention, they strive on it, good or bad. That's not true for me. Bad attention is what I try to stay away from, but good attention is everything. So, I haven't written a post in a while and I was going to but i was too lazy. I talked to an old friend, for a long time. A type of friend that I hadn't talked to in a long time, I felt more like how i used to be, free. Not caring what others thought, well to a point. It wasn't that I changed, first school I was so outgoing, but then I took a step back but was just as, or even more outgoing when i acted and played soccer, I guess I always felt comfortable there.
Friends really do change you and thats why I think I am who I am. I don't conform to the other person but how I change is because of our friendship, I might even change more after it. I've had 13 best friends. So let me name them for you, Preschool best friend (Katie), First grade best friend (crazy mom), Best friend all through elementary school (don't remember it that much but I was really close to her, only friend to BECOME popular), another one during elementary school who everyone wanted to be her friend, she was popular. Then there was my BEST friend from 4th-6th grade. We did everything together. (This is when I started moving away from other kids, we were practically each others only friends, lived 20 houses away from me)I did have one other during that time that completes the 5 main during elementary school (town boy in my neighbor hood). Then, the one that I still see sometimes, one summer we hung out had triple sleep overs and were best friend for a long time. After that in 7th grade the best year for a day I had one or something, we were in a group of friend and it's complicated (drama). Then I had three best friends at the same time. I was so happy but things got complicated, STUPID MYSPACE!, haha. There was Hannah. I loved her and she was kinda like my sister. Then there was Dee. I had soo much fun with her and we hung out all the time, but she had a different group of friends, that ended up becoming a problem. Then there was Karen, I am still good friends with her. And i'd say she felt like my best friend the most out of anyone. Then there was a really nice girl. lols. I don't know if thats all of them but I think it is. I've had good friends along the way, but these were my best friends, ohh one more that I was close with and don't really know how it happened but it ended. Oh, and my current one. Katrina. But I have a couple really good friends also right now. :)
umm WOW sorry guys. I really got off track here. and I could go a million different way with every sentence. this could become a book. LOL JK
No comments:
Post a Comment