Don't leave

Don't leave. I need to finish unmissing you. Don't leave. There is more to talk about. Don't leave. there is more fun waiting. Don't leave. I am being selfish. I need to sleep. but I wont anyways. You need to sleep. You really need to sleep. But I don't wanna wait. I can't wait. Don't leave.

hhaha ok so I read this on a website. I thought these 2 things were interesting. here is something from the same website.

Don't leave me here alone
to face my fears and missing you
Don't leave me
you wont be gone for a year or even a week
but I don't want you to go
i know I need to grow
Don't leave me me wanting more
Don't leave me here, waiting at the door
Don't leave me here
I know you want to talk me too
How selfish it is
Don't leave me, I love you

OK now here is MY rendition

Emptiness goes to loneliness and loneliness becomes sadness and soon enough sadness grows to anger. Angry meets someone and makes me mad. If only he did what I told him to do but really, tomorrow is only a day away. I hope I make it and it never ends but the truth is tomorrow will end too and most likely these days will end and won't last forever. Then I'll start all over. I can only hope. This is what happens when you leave. This is what emptiness come from and causes. YOU! Don't leave.

Another feeling

Whats another word for happiness? Joy? Love?
When someone makes you feel like if life was like this forever you'd be the happiest person. I feel joy. I'm ecstaticed and I have excitement and I'm calm and have such a warm feeling. Its much more, and deeper than happiness. It's much more relaxed than joy. Well, in a way I hope its love but then I want something else? Does this make sense to you, cause it didn't to me but its true. I've always wanted another person that I could feel comfortable around, share everything with, hold, kiss,(HAHA obviously), talk and just have as my best friend. and someone I was wildly attracted too hahaha. there are a few people I could see that could do that with me, a couple that almost have. There is one that pretty much does not but I don't know how real it is. I hate to say that but it really could all be different than whats in my head. and to some degree for the most part it doesn't matter. Things are just difficult sometimes. Is it love? No, because it might be not real. No, because you don't know the whole story. No, because there is more to love than that. No, there is more out there. No, it can never happen. No, your different in real life. No, it could never work. Yes, it makes you so happy.
If it's not happiness, what is it???

Alive

Today I feel alive. Saturday I didn't. I don't know why but I felt empty but Sunday (fathers day) was a great day! I love my family to death! They are all so great!! I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. They really do complete me and I know I can always depend on them. I love my cute little cousins so much. :) I always love spending time with them. But then I got home and drama. I don't always know how to act in situation I've been put in. It's especially hard when you have mixed feelings. SO my day kinda turned sour. Until the situation got worse, then I felt worse. But then I realized it wasn't worth it and with that the situation got better. Then I felt good. I was happy with almost everything. I felt.... great about everything regarding myself. Today, I woke up refreshed. I went driving! WOOT WOOT! Got out on the streets and everything. I felt so great. Awesome. amazing! I was happy with almost everything and the things that i wasn't didn't really matter. Now, I just am so happy. For no real reason just have high spirits. O, did I mention how much I love my brother. He is totally awesome. Best brother ever! I will really miss him when he goes away. Anyways, I think happiness doesn't just come from what you do but its a feeling or era. Idk... but being happy is amazing! haha. Right now I totally feel alive. Things aren't complicated and I like it that way. I'll go to sleep happy and I hope I wake up that way.

I can't keep making Mistakes

Over and over I keep making them. Forget to do a homework assignment, slack off a bit, get my computer hacked. They just come to be so naturally. It seems like I can't prevent them but I have to because they are taking over my life. I loose everything to. I loose homework, sweatshirts, cell phone and ipod (but I always find those), books, and my SOCCER UNIFORM! It is so pricey and so many things could have prevented it.
You ever think what if, just if this happen, one second soon, or one better person. I think If only so many time. I would have this if only, she did this, he did this, he didn't this, or she went here. If I had been fast, waited, a second, one move can change everything. I always make the wrong moves that lead to my mistakes.
So many things are wrong in our world today and I am not making them any better. I am not making anything easier on myself or my parents. I loose things they cost money and need replacing, I forget an assignment that can significantly lower my grade, and I say the wrong things or act differently to not be who people want. I am so sick of loosing things and feeling horrible. Why can't it just appear. Who would steal something like that. I get so frustrated and embarrassed. I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I could try to act different to get people to feel a different way about me and I should care what they think but sometime you miss people, moments, or the feeling of joy, laughter, and true fun.
Ever mistake I make, makes everything harder. I can't keep making these mistakes. I have to stop!