Don't leave. I need to finish unmissing you. Don't leave. There is more to talk about. Don't leave. there is more fun waiting. Don't leave. I am being selfish. I need to sleep. but I wont anyways. You need to sleep. You really need to sleep. But I don't wanna wait. I can't wait. Don't leave.
hhaha ok so I read this on a website. I thought these 2 things were interesting. here is something from the same website.
Don't leave me here alone
to face my fears and missing you
Don't leave me
you wont be gone for a year or even a week
but I don't want you to go
i know I need to grow
Don't leave me me wanting more
Don't leave me here, waiting at the door
Don't leave me here
I know you want to talk me too
How selfish it is
Don't leave me, I love you
OK now here is MY rendition
Emptiness goes to loneliness and loneliness becomes sadness and soon enough sadness grows to anger. Angry meets someone and makes me mad. If only he did what I told him to do but really, tomorrow is only a day away. I hope I make it and it never ends but the truth is tomorrow will end too and most likely these days will end and won't last forever. Then I'll start all over. I can only hope. This is what happens when you leave. This is what emptiness come from and causes. YOU! Don't leave.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Another feeling
Whats another word for happiness? Joy? Love?
When someone makes you feel like if life was like this forever you'd be the happiest person. I feel joy. I'm ecstaticed and I have excitement and I'm calm and have such a warm feeling. Its much more, and deeper than happiness. It's much more relaxed than joy. Well, in a way I hope its love but then I want something else? Does this make sense to you, cause it didn't to me but its true. I've always wanted another person that I could feel comfortable around, share everything with, hold, kiss,(HAHA obviously), talk and just have as my best friend. and someone I was wildly attracted too hahaha. there are a few people I could see that could do that with me, a couple that almost have. There is one that pretty much does not but I don't know how real it is. I hate to say that but it really could all be different than whats in my head. and to some degree for the most part it doesn't matter. Things are just difficult sometimes. Is it love? No, because it might be not real. No, because you don't know the whole story. No, because there is more to love than that. No, there is more out there. No, it can never happen. No, your different in real life. No, it could never work. Yes, it makes you so happy.
If it's not happiness, what is it???
When someone makes you feel like if life was like this forever you'd be the happiest person. I feel joy. I'm ecstaticed and I have excitement and I'm calm and have such a warm feeling. Its much more, and deeper than happiness. It's much more relaxed than joy. Well, in a way I hope its love but then I want something else? Does this make sense to you, cause it didn't to me but its true. I've always wanted another person that I could feel comfortable around, share everything with, hold, kiss,(HAHA obviously), talk and just have as my best friend. and someone I was wildly attracted too hahaha. there are a few people I could see that could do that with me, a couple that almost have. There is one that pretty much does not but I don't know how real it is. I hate to say that but it really could all be different than whats in my head. and to some degree for the most part it doesn't matter. Things are just difficult sometimes. Is it love? No, because it might be not real. No, because you don't know the whole story. No, because there is more to love than that. No, there is more out there. No, it can never happen. No, your different in real life. No, it could never work. Yes, it makes you so happy.
If it's not happiness, what is it???
Monday, June 22, 2009
Alive
Today I feel alive. Saturday I didn't. I don't know why but I felt empty but Sunday (fathers day) was a great day! I love my family to death! They are all so great!! I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. They really do complete me and I know I can always depend on them. I love my cute little cousins so much. :) I always love spending time with them. But then I got home and drama. I don't always know how to act in situation I've been put in. It's especially hard when you have mixed feelings. SO my day kinda turned sour. Until the situation got worse, then I felt worse. But then I realized it wasn't worth it and with that the situation got better. Then I felt good. I was happy with almost everything. I felt.... great about everything regarding myself. Today, I woke up refreshed. I went driving! WOOT WOOT! Got out on the streets and everything. I felt so great. Awesome. amazing! I was happy with almost everything and the things that i wasn't didn't really matter. Now, I just am so happy. For no real reason just have high spirits. O, did I mention how much I love my brother. He is totally awesome. Best brother ever! I will really miss him when he goes away. Anyways, I think happiness doesn't just come from what you do but its a feeling or era. Idk... but being happy is amazing! haha. Right now I totally feel alive. Things aren't complicated and I like it that way. I'll go to sleep happy and I hope I wake up that way.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I can't keep making Mistakes
Over and over I keep making them. Forget to do a homework assignment, slack off a bit, get my computer hacked. They just come to be so naturally. It seems like I can't prevent them but I have to because they are taking over my life. I loose everything to. I loose homework, sweatshirts, cell phone and ipod (but I always find those), books, and my SOCCER UNIFORM! It is so pricey and so many things could have prevented it.
You ever think what if, just if this happen, one second soon, or one better person. I think If only so many time. I would have this if only, she did this, he did this, he didn't this, or she went here. If I had been fast, waited, a second, one move can change everything. I always make the wrong moves that lead to my mistakes.
So many things are wrong in our world today and I am not making them any better. I am not making anything easier on myself or my parents. I loose things they cost money and need replacing, I forget an assignment that can significantly lower my grade, and I say the wrong things or act differently to not be who people want. I am so sick of loosing things and feeling horrible. Why can't it just appear. Who would steal something like that. I get so frustrated and embarrassed. I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I could try to act different to get people to feel a different way about me and I should care what they think but sometime you miss people, moments, or the feeling of joy, laughter, and true fun.
Ever mistake I make, makes everything harder. I can't keep making these mistakes. I have to stop!
You ever think what if, just if this happen, one second soon, or one better person. I think If only so many time. I would have this if only, she did this, he did this, he didn't this, or she went here. If I had been fast, waited, a second, one move can change everything. I always make the wrong moves that lead to my mistakes.
So many things are wrong in our world today and I am not making them any better. I am not making anything easier on myself or my parents. I loose things they cost money and need replacing, I forget an assignment that can significantly lower my grade, and I say the wrong things or act differently to not be who people want. I am so sick of loosing things and feeling horrible. Why can't it just appear. Who would steal something like that. I get so frustrated and embarrassed. I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I could try to act different to get people to feel a different way about me and I should care what they think but sometime you miss people, moments, or the feeling of joy, laughter, and true fun.
Ever mistake I make, makes everything harder. I can't keep making these mistakes. I have to stop!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Katrina
Katrina. She is awesome. She is so nice, extremlu smart and a wonderful person. She's very awesome! She also happens to be my best friend. She really cares about me and is so thoughtful. I really care about her too, and what the best for her! She is the one I want to tell all my good new to. She is also happy for me and we click so well. We have so much fun together! Katrina rox my sox, lol. A side from being my best friend, she is an inspiring person. She has a unique way of thinking and brightens everything up. She deserves everything she wants, and more. She is also really pretty. We have got a lot closer lately and I could not be happier. Katrina your amazing! Don't let anyone tell you your not, not that they could!!!!!!!!!!!! <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 Salena!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaa
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
She is such a
I don't need to complete the sentence. We all know what could complete it. I have to admit I have said it before. I shouldn't judge someone because I don't agree with their behaviors but I still do it anyway. Sometime we say this with stupid in the blank but insulting someones lack of intelligence is not going to do anybody any good. Sometime we might feel in the blank with an other word for mean. This might be true about a person but talking to them would be a better solution, right? Probably. And what about the extreme one. When your saying someone shows to much skin or go too far with too many guys. This is used a lot and it's probably the most common way I fill the blank. I don't like it when girl take inappropriate pictures or sleep with many guys in high school. I think they have no class but I don't say that I say "She is such a".
So, what about what people say about celebrities. I don't think it is right to judge someone quickly. A lot of people I know say "Miley Cyrus is such a". She has taken a picture or two of her belly and kissing a guy. SO? Ok, she is a role model but it is the parents and medias fault for letting their children see this. If the media does not highlight it saying it is a bad example, no one would see the example. And what parents give their kids access to places where they can see "scandless photos". She is a teenager and not doing that much wrong. She is not making a sex tape or going on play boy. She is not flashing people or even swearing. She keeps it real and tries to balance living her life at the same time. I know people who take much worse pictures and are mean too. And as much as we may like to believe that we aren't role models because we are not celebrities it a bunch of Bull. Everyone is a role model who has a kid, a younger sibling, or even a cousin. Even if you don't have siblings people still might look up to you.
Even though we all say it, the only way we should way this phrase is, She is such a lovely person.
So, what about what people say about celebrities. I don't think it is right to judge someone quickly. A lot of people I know say "Miley Cyrus is such a". She has taken a picture or two of her belly and kissing a guy. SO? Ok, she is a role model but it is the parents and medias fault for letting their children see this. If the media does not highlight it saying it is a bad example, no one would see the example. And what parents give their kids access to places where they can see "scandless photos". She is a teenager and not doing that much wrong. She is not making a sex tape or going on play boy. She is not flashing people or even swearing. She keeps it real and tries to balance living her life at the same time. I know people who take much worse pictures and are mean too. And as much as we may like to believe that we aren't role models because we are not celebrities it a bunch of Bull. Everyone is a role model who has a kid, a younger sibling, or even a cousin. Even if you don't have siblings people still might look up to you.
Even though we all say it, the only way we should way this phrase is, She is such a lovely person.
Feel bad-Not me monday
I have always loved soccer! I love acting too! I love being creative and painting, and reseantly loved basketball. I love singing and writing too. I write, well blogs, stories, sometimes scripts, poems, and songs. All these things I love to do are different. I go about them very differently. With soccer I give 110% effort. In basketball I try and listen to my coaches as much as possible and grasp what they try and tell me. I try to change what I do to what they say, because they do know a lot more than me and when I listen it helps a lot and I improve greatly. With painting I do whatever I want. I don't have a lot of details but LOTS of colors. All my paintings are different and most of them come out quite good. I am proud of them. I sing and write freely. I can do it anytime anyplace, just maybe at different volumes. Also, all these things I better or worse at. While I think I am amazing at writing song, or pretty good, I am not as good at painting even though I enjoy it emencly.
I think I improved so much at basketball this winter, as I was on the school team. I completely fell in love with it. Now I am on the soccer team (it ends in less than I week) and it used to be my passion because I am so competative and I love it. Now, I am not the best person on the team but it I don't feel weak, not me. It's not me that goes home after some games and cries because I didn't get enough playing time. It's not me that feel stupid that I am out of breath and not as skilled because I was never in travel and haven't been taught how to "give and go" or do proper "two touches". And it's not me who is not a quiter but wants to quite just so I don't feel like a quiter.
No, it's not me that wishes I was better at everything. Not me.
Ok so I wrote that at school today but I always have conflicting thoughts. Like at practice I was having so much fun and doing well. I NAILED ALL MY LEFT FOOT PASSES!! that is impossible for me. I never could do any but I focused and I did well. I guess we all just need to look for the good, the fun, and what makes things worth it.
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